Are you the kind of person who likes being right?
I confess I am that kind of person, but I'm definitely not alone on this one.
Many of us still have that little kid inside of us who likes raising their finger to tell someone else is wrong or that there is something better we could be doing.
As I've gotten older, I care less about being right. That's because I care more about the right thing happening than being right.
Does that sound counter-intuitive to you? Let me break it down.
Being right and destroying the relationship means you lose. You may feel good in that moment, but you've set yourselves up for failure in the future. You now have an adversary who will care much less about whatever you have to say.
Being right, even if they don't take your advice or agree at all, and not destroying the relationship means you still have an opportunity to course correct and influence them. You did not make an adversary. You're still in it together.
If you want to fold your cards and quit, there is no need to destroy the relationship. It helps with nothing except a bad reference in case anyone comes calling.
I've never been fired for expressing my opinion, even though I can be candid. If I were fired for expressing my opinion, I would see it as a failure on my part and see if I could learn something from it. The alternative, it's just their fault, means you will not learn anything from it (even if it's true).
That's why you should focus more on the relationship than the content. The relationship will help you convey the content. If you focus only on the content, you will likely damage the relationship, and the content will stop mattering.
As good as it feels to be right, having a good relationship with someone still feels even better.
Hello Maarten,
So true! Fighting over who is right is a relationship (any relationship) killer. Good point to focus on what the actual value is you want to achieve.
Groet, Eerk
I might not have understood this 1.5 years back. But, today I feel I understand what this means having gone thru this cycle and being a part of both the sides of the table, one who was cought in between someone else's fight of being right and the one who was trying to prove himself right. And, in the end it always becomes about egos rather than the original content. I personally went through a long cycle of mending and prioritising relationships over content and slowly focusing on the delivery of content cause the devil is in the delivery